(ADAM, LINDSAY, AMY, ERIC, and BOB are gathered around JASON.)
JASON
...and ladies and gentlemen, that is why I will not support McDonald's Hamburgers. They, among other corporations, blatantly take advantage of their workers and guarantee higher salaries for the owners by deliberately hiring temporary employees who expect no more than minimum wage with no chance for career advancement. This encourages people to view jobs as disposable elements in their ultimate quest for More Money, which I see as a negative trend in today's job market and economy in which workers should be encouraged to seek a meaningful vocation and stay with it for more than the interim between joblessness and the time society says they should be, quote, gainfully employed. All we're doing, friends, is helping the fat cats fill their pockets with our hard-earned money as has been the case with the lower middle class and other marginalized groups for time eternal, and the time has come to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
(A smattering of applause.)
LAURA
Thank you very much. Now, are there any questions for our speaker?
(LINDSAY raises a pencil.)
LAURA
Yes, you.
LINDSAY
Yes, I just have one quick question. Why did you do that chicken dance thing?
JASON
What?
LINDSAY
You did a chicken dance.
JASON
No, I didn't.
BOB
Yeah, you did.
JASON
No, I didn't.
AMY
Yes, I think you did. You went, "All we're doing is helping the fat cats fill their pockets with our hard-earned money!" and you went like this.
(She does it.)
ERIC
That's right. She's right.
JASON
I did not do a chicken dance.
ADAM
I don't know if I'd call it a dance, but you did move in a chicken-like way.
JASON
I DID NOT.
ERIC
You moved in a chicken like way.
AMY
You definitely did something.
JASON
Fine. Okay. Does anyone have any other questions?
(Pause. LINDSAY raises her pencil again.)
LINDSAY
It seems to me that your comment would have been more appropriately complimented by some sort of cat-like gesture rather than a chicken dance, since you were talking about big business fat cats. Would you agree?
JASON
Probably. Look, I came here to discuss big businesss, econmic reform, social justice, and employment issues. Did anyone understand anything I was talking about?
(Pause. BOB raises his hand.)
JASON
Okay, one person.
BOB
Actually, I didn't really understand it, but I was going to say that maybe if you did it with the cat dance, we'd get the idea.
AMY
I agree. Since it's generally agreed that the chicken was an inappropriate choice and a cat gesture or "dance" would have been a better fit, I think it really would clear things up.
JASON
Are you serious.
ERIC
Yes. I was about to suggest the same thing, actually.
JASON
All right. All I was saying was that by supporting companies whose executives take advantage of their workers we're just helping the fat cats...reeeeeeaaaaawwrrr...
(JASON performs a cat-like motion)
JASON
...get richer while the poor get poorer. There. Did that help? Do you understand now, even a little bit?
ERIC
Actually, that was worse, I think.
(General agreement with this assessment of the cat-like motion.)
JASON
Fine. Whatever. Excellent. Can we start another play, please? Please? Can we? RIght now? (to Mike in the lighting booth) Mike, do the lighting cue, please.
MIKE
Do the chicken dance one more time and I'll hit the cue.
JASON
No, I'm not doing anything. Next play, please.
MIKE
Come on, just do it!
(Agreement that JASON should do the chicken dance.)
JASON
If I do it, you'll hit the cue.
MIKE
Yep.
(JASON does it. All applaud enthusiastically. The cue is hit.)
